A Few Jokes/Activities to Make You and Your Elderly Loved Ones Smile

It’s always good to celebrate humor and we thought that instead of simply talking about it, we’d try to make you smile. So, we’ve included some of our favorite jokes, sayings and activities here.

Also, there are a lot of “elderly-friendly” joke websites out there, where you might find more, but many of them aren’t actually aren’t that funny. We recommend looking into this joke of the day website to get started.  This website also provides consistent laughs.

In the meantime, hopefully these will make you smile.

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing.”     ~ Michael Pritchard

**

An elderly gentleman…

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

**

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it
was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

**

Pet Parrot
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness.”
The man says, “Well, thank you. I forgive you.”
The parrot then says, “If you don’t mind my asking, what did the chicken do?”

**

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember — not the ones you were told about! You can calculate your score at the end.

  • Blackjack chewing gum
  • Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  • Candy cigarettes
  • Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  • Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  • Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  • Party lines
  • Newsreels before the movie
  • F. Flyers
  • Butch wax
  • Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive – 6933)
  • Peashooters
  • Howdy Doody
  • 45-RPM records … and 78-RPM records
  • S&H Green Stamps
  • Hi-fi systems
  • Metal ice trays with lever
  • Mimeograph paper
  • Blue flash bulb
  • Packards
  • Roller skate keys
  • Cork popguns
  • Drive-in theaters
  • Studebakers
  • Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
0 – 5 = You’re still young
6 – 10 = You are getting older
11 – 15 = Don’t tell your age
16 – 25 = You’re older than you think!

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